My very first post on this blog was about why I decided to start a this weeks before my son Joaquin’s third open heart surgery. In it I said “I don’t want you to hurt but I definitely want you to learn the same life lessons I’m learning and just come along for the ride”. Well, that couldn’t be more true now.
The last blog I posted before this one talked about my fears as we went in for Joaquin’s Fontan. And in it I said “He’s been down this journey before but for the first time ever, we’ll be able to recall the memories together. And I can’t think of a better person to share them with.” Well, as fate would have it, I will not be able to recall those memories with Joaquin. Instead my Joaquin was called into God’s Kingdom early Friday morning.
His actual passing was as peaceful (for me) as I could have wanted it. I listened for God’s word and when I let them sink in, I let out the most amazing sigh ever. I exhaled and inhaled the word of God. It happened in the arms of one of the hospital chaplains but I know she was just a vessel for God and as much as she spoke in to my ears as wept in her arms the only thing I remember was this, “You are a woman of God”. When she let me go, the decision was clear and free of burden – it was time to let Joaquin enter into His Kingdom.
That moment was free of burden but not free of pain. After all, pain is part of this world. But I choose to focus on God and carry on. And as I do I will remember that I wrote that I couldn’t think of a better person to share my memories with – my angel Joaquin. And I will. And I am excited and joyful to do so.
A few years back, shortly after Joaquin’s second hospital stay, several people told me that I needed to write a book. And I remembered telling them, “No, not yet. My journey with Joaquin isn’t over.” Well, Joaquin’s journey on earth was over on October 4, 2013 but our journey into our next chapter has only begun. Stay tuned…