So these days it’s fair to assume that my faith is indeed being tested. Kinda like when we were young and we tested just how far we could get away with our parents (I don’t know about you but seeing as I was the youngest in my family I got away with so much!). So I guess God is trying to see just how much I really trust him. If you asked me last week I would have said, “Yeah God – not so much”.
Today is a different story and thank God for that (no really, thank you God). Yesterday I wrote about this fab journey that I am on but you know, I was on a completely different path many years ago (weren’t we all?). My journey actually started around 1998 or so when I was a student at Texas State University (although I suppose I will always remember it as Southwest Texas!!) and I started attending mass at the Catholic Student Center. Once there I started attending Bobcat Awakenings and just like the name of the retreat states – I was awakened!! But wait – I fell asleep again shortly after graduation.
And then my faith was awakened again (it was drowsy but nonetheless awake) after the birth of our first son, Alejandro. And then it fell asleep again. By the time our youngest son’s defects were diagnosed in utero I can honestly say I was jolted awake (kind of like the times that you realize you’re late for work…running around like a mad person, promising it won’t ever happen again, constantly checking my alarm clock for the next week)! I haven’t fallen asleep since.
Now, I wasn’t asleep anymore but something was missing. I couldn’t put my finger on it but something was just not there. And then one day, God gave me exactly what I needed. Unfortunately it came with tragic news. It was late spring of 2012 when I saw a post on someone’s page that expressed sorrow for the death of a Frank Wearden. I had to click on it because the person that posted it was from the same town as a guy that I knew in college with the same last name. I honestly thought the name was perhaps an uncle or a brother to that other person that I knew from that town. But as I scrolled through the posts my heart broke. It wasn’t an uncle or a brother. It was him.
I met Will Wearden at one of those Awakening’s and we clicked. He was a blast. He was funny. He was handsome. And boy could he dance. And the crush started. Lucky for me, the crush was reciprocated because we started talking on the phone often and hanging out. He and his friend would visit in San Marcos or I would grab a pal and we would road trip it to Victoria. I admired Will so much. Now, Will and I had several mutual friends and they were almost all like Will – just nice, good, young Catholics. What amazed me so much at the time (and still does) was the fact that this group of kids were about the same age as I was but they were already on the journey with God and enjoying it. Me? I was faltering all over the place.
Now remember how my faith was always falling asleep earlier? Well, Will’s death is what gave me my second real awakening. Why he died so young and so tragically, we’ll never know. But Will is proof to me that Will came into my life for a reason. My relationship with Will was short lived but he ended it was such grace that I was ok letting it go. I never kept in touch with him so I was saddened that when I finally did hear about him it was about his passing.
It’s been a little over a year since he died but it was right then and there that I received the gift of Will from God. I received what I had been truly searching since that first Awakenings retreat – God’s grace.
What about you? What’s missing from your journey?